I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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