I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pants are for mortals
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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