tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
