Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
