a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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