I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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