She's JV to your varsity
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
