She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
