I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize