I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize