so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
