I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
