She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
