WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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