let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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