the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
