I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize