I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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