Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
