i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
