Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
