So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
