Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
