Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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