There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
