It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
