I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There r osticjed everywhere
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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