Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
