remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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