so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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