You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
