I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
