I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
