My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
