i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
