i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
