if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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