Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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