Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The best revenge is premature balding
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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