2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
