I just pynch a tree in the face
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
