i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
