My nipple is on Facebook.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
