i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
