Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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