your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
