You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
