I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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