Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
