The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
