Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
