Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
