Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
