alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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