is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
