dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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