I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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