why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
