My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
