All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
