It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just forgot I was standing up.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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