My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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