You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
