These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Did I show you my penis last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
