4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
