I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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