i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
